Your Community Newspaper - Larose, LA

Serving Raceland, Gheens, Lockport, Valentine, Larose, Cut Off, Galliano, Golden Meadow, Leeville, & Grand Isle

Sunday, November 18, 2018



Surfin The Net

tlgnewspaper_columns_surfin_the_net
  • Hunting, Fishing, And Drinking

    I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked,"If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?""No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied."Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked."No, I don't waste time fishing," the home...

  • Do you sell grapes?

    One day a duck walks in a store and ask the manager if they sell grapes.The manager says, "No, we don't sell grapes."The duck goes home and comes back the next day and asks the same question. The manager says the same thing again, "No, we do not sell grapes."The duck goes home, comes back the next day, and asks the manager if they sell grapes. This time the manager says, "No, we don't sell grapes!

  • Surgeon Talk

    Five surgeons were talking about the best patients...First surgeon says, "Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up, everything on the inside is numbered."Second surgeon says, "Nah - librarians are the best. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order."Third surgeon responds, "Try electricians, man! Everything inside them is color coded!"Fourth surgeon intercedes," I prefer lawyers.

  • A day with penguins

    A man was driving and saw a truck stalled on the side of the highway that had ten penguins standing next to it. The man pulled over and asked the truck driver if he needed any help.The truck driver replied, "If you can take these penguins to the zoo while I wait for AAA that will be great!"The man agreed and the penguins hopped into the back of his car.Two hours later, the trucker was back on the road again and decided to check on the penguins. He showed up at the zoo and they weren...

  • A good Q&A

     Q: What nails do carpenters hate to hit?A: Fingernails.Q. What is the color of the wind?A. Blew.Q: What do you call someone without a nose or a body?A: Nobodynose.Q: Why shouldn't you write with a broken pencil?A: Because it’s pointless!Q: Why did the old woman put roller skates on her rocking chair?A: Because she wanted to rock and roll.Q: Why are ghosts such good cheerleaders?A: Because they have a lot of spirit!Q: How do you get 500 old cows in a barn?A: Put up a Bingo sign.Q:...

  • Judgment Day

    During an impassioned sermon about death and final judgment, the pastor said forcefully, "Each member of this church is going to die and face judgment."Glancing down at the front pew, he noticed a man with a big smile on his face.The minister repeated his point louder. "Each member of this church is going to die and face judgment!"The man nodded and smiled even more. This really got the preacher wound up.

  • A Lesson in Morals

    One day at the end of class, little Johnny's teacher asks the class to go home and think of a story to be concluded with the moral of that story. The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story.Little Suzy raises her hand. "My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market.

  • Strange Laws

     Be careful, many of these laws are still on the booksWhen visiting Louisiana, remember that it is illegal to gargle in public...you can do just about anything else in public, but NO gargling!And be careful that you do not get caught shaving while driving in Massachusetts or you'll be in real trouble.If you're going to be driving through Utah, be alert because the birds have the right of way on the state highways.And walking down the streets of Maine with your shoes strings untied i...

  • A rich man goes to heaven...

    There once was a rich man who was near death. He was very grieved because he had worked so hard for his money and he wanted to take it with him to heaven. So he began to pray that he might be able to take some of his wealth with him.An angel hears his plea and appears to him.

  • The Bank Robber (A true story)

    In San Francisco, a man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into a local branch and wrote, "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag."While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and that they might call the police before he even reached the teller window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo.After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the ...

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