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Sunday, July 21, 2019



Surfin The Net

tlgnewspaper_columns_surfin_the_net
  • Big Game Hunting

    Against his better judgment, the big game hunter is talked into taking both his wife AND her mother along on one of his expeditions.It does not go well. The mother-in-law is, if anything, harder to get along with in the wilds than she was in the city. And to make matters worse, she won't even abide by the simple camp rules designed to keep the safari safe.One night after dinner, the hunter's wife realizes her mother is missing.

  • Climbing the Stairs

    Bill, Jim, and Scott were at a convention together and were sharing a large suite on the top of a 75-story skyscraper.After a long day of meetings they were shocked to hear that the elevators in their hotel were broken and they would have to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room.Bill said to Jim and Scott, “Let's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something interesting. I'll tell jokes for 25 flights, and Jim can sing songs for 25 flights, and ...

  • Things You Did Not Know

    A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue.A snail can sleep for three years.All polar bears are left handed.American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class.Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.Butterflies taste with their feetCats have over one hundred vocal sounds, dogs only have ab...

  • Where Is God?

    A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved.The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed, but asked to see them individually.

  • A woman and a frog

    A woman was out golfing and hit the ball deep into the woods. When she went to look for it she found a frog in a trap.The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!"The woman said, "That's okay."For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beau...

  • Mike and Joe

    When it's clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day.One day Mike says, "Joe, we both loved football all our lives, and we played football on Saturdays together for so many years. Please do me one favor, when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's football there."Joe looks up at Mike from his deathbed, “Mike, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favor for you.”Shortly after that, Joe...

  • Einstein speaks at conference

    Einstein had to speak at an important Science Conference. On the way there, he tells his driver that looks a bit like him:"I'm sick of all these conferences. I always say the same things over and over!"The driver agrees: "You're right.

  • Hunting, Fishing, And Drinking

    I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked,"If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?""No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied."Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked."No, I don't waste time fishing," the home...

  • Do you sell grapes?

    One day a duck walks in a store and ask the manager if they sell grapes.The manager says, "No, we don't sell grapes."The duck goes home and comes back the next day and asks the same question. The manager says the same thing again, "No, we do not sell grapes."The duck goes home, comes back the next day, and asks the manager if they sell grapes. This time the manager says, "No, we don't sell grapes!

  • Surgeon Talk

    Five surgeons were talking about the best patients...First surgeon says, "Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up, everything on the inside is numbered."Second surgeon says, "Nah - librarians are the best. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order."Third surgeon responds, "Try electricians, man! Everything inside them is color coded!"Fourth surgeon intercedes," I prefer lawyers.

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