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Sunday, December 9, 2018



Surfin The Net

tlgnewspaper_columns_surfin_the_net
  • Air Hostess

    An elderly doctor and a Presbyterian minister were seated next to each other on a plane.The plane was delayed at the start due to some technical problems. Just after taking off, the pilot offered his apologies to the passengers and announced that a round of free drinks would be served.When the charming air hostess came around with the trolley, the doctor ordered a gin and tonic for himself. The hostess then asked the minister whether he wanted anything.He replied, "Oh no!

  • Working in the garden

    A prisoner in jail received a letter from his wife:"I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?"The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all the mail, replied in a letter:"Dear Wife, whatever you do, DO NOT touch the back garden! That is where I hid all the gold."A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife:"You wouldn't believe what happened.

  • Announcements from the pulpit

    The minister of a city church enjoyed a drink now and then, but his passion was for peach brandy. One of his congregants would make him a bottle each Christmas.One year, when the minister went to visit his friend, hoping for his usual Christmas present, he was not disappointed, but his friend told him that he had to thank him for the peach brandy from the pulpit the next Sunday.In his haste to get the bottle, the minister hurriedly agreed and left.So the next Sunday the minister suddenly remembe...

  • A Nice Idea...

    Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls Royce to a downtown NY City bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $5,000.The loan officer, taken aback, requested collateral."Well, then, here are the keys to my Rolls Royce," the man said.The loan officer promptly had the car driven into the bank's underground parking for safe keeping, and gave him $5,000.Two weeks later, the man walked through the bank's doors, and asked to settle up his loan and get his car...

  • Big Game Hunting

    Against his better judgment, the big game hunter is talked into taking both his wife AND her mother along on one of his expeditions.It does not go well. The mother-in-law is, if anything, harder to get along with in the wilds than she was in the city. And to make matters worse, she won't even abide by the simple camp rules designed to keep the safari safe.One night after dinner, the hunter's wife realizes her mother is missing.

  • Climbing the Stairs

    Bill, Jim, and Scott were at a convention together and were sharing a large suite on the top of a 75-story skyscraper.After a long day of meetings they were shocked to hear that the elevators in their hotel were broken and they would have to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room.Bill said to Jim and Scott, “Let's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something interesting. I'll tell jokes for 25 flights, and Jim can sing songs for 25 flights, and ...

  • Things You Did Not Know

    A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue.A snail can sleep for three years.All polar bears are left handed.American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class.Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.Butterflies taste with their feetCats have over one hundred vocal sounds, dogs only have ab...

  • Where Is God?

    A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved.The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed, but asked to see them individually.

  • A woman and a frog

    A woman was out golfing and hit the ball deep into the woods. When she went to look for it she found a frog in a trap.The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!"The woman said, "That's okay."For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beau...

  • Mike and Joe

    When it's clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day.One day Mike says, "Joe, we both loved football all our lives, and we played football on Saturdays together for so many years. Please do me one favor, when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's football there."Joe looks up at Mike from his deathbed, “Mike, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favor for you.”Shortly after that, Joe...

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